It starts off in the morning after I have had a tough night with Grey waking up three times in the night. So I'm feeling pretty tired in the morning and Lucy comes in whining for me to get up and get her breakfast. Granted, this is a reasonable request but perhaps it is in how she
Then it is time to get ready for swim lessons. I drive Aeli from down the street too so she comes over to my house first thing in the morning (which is actually really great for Lucy to have someone to play with so I can get ready/clean/take care of Grey in peace). But Lucy has to go number two on the toilet. And she makes it this epic event - she wants me to hold her hand because she is scared....and stay...and w a i t. And when she finally finishes, she still wants me to wipe her. Even after we
"Lucy, did you get your bag ready for swim lessons?" "Lucy, can you please get your bag ready for swim lessons?" "LUCY! GO GET YOUR BAG READY FOR SWIM LESSONS!!" Can I just ask something once and be done with it? Why, oh why will she not listen until I get angry and have to yell?
Then there is this competition. Lucy wants to be first for everything! First to get in the car, first to press the handicap button to open the door to the rec center. It is like this huge competition for her. If she is not first, then she starts whining. And sometimes, she will just scream at the top of her lungs. Like when Aeli waited at the car instead of waiting with Lucy in the driveway for me to unlock the doors - she makes up these arbitrary rules as she goes along and if you don't listen to her, you will incur the wrath of Lucy. Giant scream. Was I like this as a child? I hope not. If I was, Mom, I am so, so, so sorry.
After swim lessons, time to take a shower. I've stored up my patience in advance because I know Lucy and Aeli like to play in the shower and it takes a long time. So I wait. They take forever it seems. And then when they finally come out and while I am picking up their sopping wet swim suits and making sure the water is turned off and they haven't left anything in the shower stall, I turn to see Lucy shouting into Grey's car seat. Grey is asleep...or was asleep. I am livid. I hit Lucy on top of the head with the small towel I am holding and proceed to say, "You DON'T yell at your brother when he is sleeping! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO SCREAM INTO YOUR BROTHER'S CAR SEAT WHEN HE IS SLEEPING!" This has obviously not the first time this has happened. She fires back at me, "Owww! MOM!! NO HITTING!!!" She is right - no matter how angry we are, we are not allowed to hit or scream or yell. I have a hard time following my own rules (perhaps her screaming/hitting/kicking is from me since I obviously have some control and anger management issues as well). I apologize but sternly remind her that she is not supposed to shout at her brother when he is sleeping. She hadn't shouted at him maliciously - I think that she was just excited and wanted to share her excitement. Grey had already been sleeping about an hour so he could have been due to wake up at any moment and he didn't cry - was probably just surprised. But still, it didn't mean I wasn't completely pissed off.
On the way home, it is the same as the way to swim lessons. Whining to be first to get in the car. Arguing with Aeli about who gets to sit in the middle seat at the table once we got home (seriously, these are the dumbest arguments and they are initiated by my daughter - have we still not learned how to share and take turns?). Then at home, Lucy won't share the grapes with Aeli (remember Annie, always put food on two separate plates instead of sharing one even though it makes more dishes to wash, it alleviates arguments between little girls about being able to reach said food or who has the food closer to them).
I mean, is it normal to not be able to stand your own kid? It's like I don't even like her and would be happy if she just played at a friend's house all day. An argument that occurs almost daily is that Lucy wants to go to Mary's house for daycare. I love Mary, and I love daycare but it is not in our budget to put Lucy in daycare when I am not working and staying at home. Believe me, I would love to put Lucy in daycare and let her play with her friends all day long but my four year old can't seem to grasp the concept that things like daycare cost money and Mommy and Daddy don't have unlimited amounts of money. She is actually pretty good at understanding that material goods from the store cost money and has already learned that I don't buy things unless they are on sale or I have a coupon and it is a really good deal. But she hasn't quite caught on that services costs money as well.
Lately, Lucy struggles to tell the truth as well. Like when she just asked me if she could go to Mary's house with Aeli and I said no. Then I heard her walk into the kitchen and tell Aeli that her mom told her that she can go to Mary's house with her. I know that I am not supposed to accuse my daughter of being a liar because she doesn't grasp the concept of lying and all that stuff that my Babycenter e-mails tell me that I am supposed to compassionate about. But I can't tell you that I'm not worried about my daughter stretching or completely eliminating the truth and that it doesn't frustrate me when she tells an outright whopper right in front of me. But seriously, I would consider going back to work and putting Lucy in daycare if I didn't have Grey.
After I had Lucy and struggled with raising a baby, I scoffed and thought that other parents were crazy when they would tell me that it just gets harder as they get older. How could anything be harder than raising a baby? All the sleepless nights and breastfeeding and not being able to walk, talk, or eat solids. But although babies can be hard, at least they are simple - they just eat, sleep, poop, and burp and occasionally give you a smile. But little four year old girls - when does the drama end? There are still wakings in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom or because of a bad dream and they tend to involve more screaming and crying. I feel like I am having an easier time with Grey than Lucy. But I have a feeling that the drama doesn't go away. It increases as they get older. What is it going to be like having a teenager? It's just past noon and I can barely deal with my four year old. But she got what she wanted - when we dropped off Aeli at Mary's house, Mary said that Lucy could stay for a little while to play since Lucy started to cry as we left.
I will instead drown my frustrations in a home-made vanilla cream pie that took forever to make yesterday because I decided to try something new instead of my usual custard pie but doesn't really taste that good to me but at least it is sweet. Seriously, meringue is so time-consuming and so not worth it. I don't even like meringue - I should have done the whipped cream topping instead but didn't want to waste four egg whites. Ar least I have a little time to catch up on my blog - just about three months behind now...perpetually. And although I hate posting things out of chronological order, it is worth it to vent. And now I can have a record of what a brat my daughter is to show to her when she is older and laugh when she has children of her own that are just like she was. (Again, so sorry Mom, if I was like this!)
4 comments:
Hang in there, Annie!
Poor Annie. You will not remember how hard to handle Lucy in future. You just remember good memories or just laughing event.
Annie, you was not like that when you were at Lucy's age. I have never remember yelling at you. Do you?
Because you are a fourth child. Lucy is a first and only child for four years. It's very hard for her to adjust to have a sibling. She can sense you frustrate because of her. Just remember that you just wrote " I told her how much we both loved her and that I was glad to be her mommy" in the previous blog.
Try to change her attention to other thing????
I can relate! Some days I just want to scream at olive (and some days I do) but we just have to keep practicing patience and remember how little life experience they have. And other days you have to put them in daycare.
being a mama is so incredibly hard. there are a billion little moments in the day and some are good, but often, many of them are tremendously challenging and deflating. it is easy to get frustrated. especially when you haven't had enough good sleep.
i don't really have any advice, except to breathe. meditate. take a nap. read your scriptures. try to stay centered.
i have a book for you i was intending as a christmas gift but i may need to send it sooner...
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