Ode to Peeko

Peeko, the Sturgis family cat, was last seen on the evening of Monday, July 17th. My parents let her out for the night and she never returned. A myriad of possible outcomes went through my head as to what might have happened to our beloved cat - was she hit by a car, killed by another animal, taken in by another loving family, tortured and killed by a cruel person? I wanted to hope for the best - that she was taken in by some loving family. But truth be told, Peeko had been an outdoor cat for the past eight years and knew her way around. She probably wouldn't have let another person take her somewhere she wasn't familiar with so that probably wasn't what happened.

My parents put forth a valiant effort to look for her throughout the yard and even passed out fliers to the neighbors but to no avail. In my father's most recent newsletter to the family, he hypothesized the following:

In talking with others in the neighborhood, I’ve found out that there are other domestic cats missing, too. There seems to be a consensus that there is a fisher cat around. I had never heard of such an animal before, so I looked it up and here is what I found. A fisher cat is not a cat but a member of the weasel family. It is nocturnal and used to be called a “polecat” and can grow up to thirty pounds. It is a ferocious predator of small game and is very fast on its feet. (This might explain why we haven’t seen any woodchucks this year.) Fishers are widely blamed for devouring housecats that venture out at night. During the mating season they have a chilling scream very much like that of a high-pitched child. I think I’ve heard them before, but always assumed it was Peeko or another cat. The sound was like Peeko crying when Mom gave her baths, only louder. If indeed Peeko met up with a fisher, she wouldn’t have stood a chance.

Last night, I cried for the first time over the possible and very probable fate of our cherished cat. She was adored by the whole family and although Brandon laughs about this, she seemed to exude these human-like qualities. I know, I know - it sounds extremely silly but I swear, the times when I was sad, Peeko would come curl up on my lap or stroke my face with her own. She knew when we needed to be comforted and was willing to alleviate our pain - whether it was caused by a stupid boyfriend or a stomach ache. She even would get embarrassed - when she went to the veteranarian and he gave her a shot, she pooed in her carrier and she was extremely embarrassed. Brandon jokes around with me when I tell him this story and asks, "Was she blushing?" but my sister and I will attest that she really was embarrassed but appreciative of our care, nonetheless. But she was motivated too - like when the vet told her she needed to lose some weight - Peeko really went out and did more exercise and also cut back on the wet food. If only we all could be so motivated.

Peeko was the first thing we asked about when we visited home from school or married life. We would love to find her in our sock drawer or curled up with the clothes in the laundry basket. Her favorite place to lounge was on top of the bookshelf in the living room where she could overlook her domain. However, she would never pass up the opportunity to explore a new box, bag, or annual Christmas tree. She loved canned tuna and I think was quite a fan of shrimp.

Brandon tells me that I'll see her in heaven but it makes me sad that the next time I go home, Peeko will not be there. There are people out there who say they aren't cat people - they seem to have a built in aversion to all things feline that exhibited itself at a young age. But if there was one cat that could have won over those types of people, it was Peeko. How couldn't you love the cat that found the most perfect sleeping position draped over your neck. Granted, you'd have a sore neck in the morning but Peeko's motivation was to warm it throughout the night.

Perhaps one day, Brandon will gift me with a cat that may live up to the legacy of Peeko. But for now, she has left a gaping hole in our hearts that will not easily be filled.

The 9-5 Daily Grind

Technically, work is really from 8:00 a.m. - 4:00 p.m. but you know what I mean.

Work - it takes up massive amounts of time in our lives so I figure I should devote at least one post to it. And I'm at the point in my life where the conversations start with, "So what do you do for work." It's almost as annoying as, "What are you majoring in?" in college but seemingly, a necessary evil. I myself am guilty of the above although I hate to think that people are summing me up in their heads by that one little piece of information. I'm really much more interesting than my job is. But I thought I'd try to explain it at least a little, cause you know - necessary evil.

I am currently in the tenth month of a year long committment of national service with AmeriCorps and the Medically Underserved in Utah (AMUU). The best way to describe AmeriCorps is like a domestic PeaceCorps (they're like cousins). There are several branches of AmeriCorps such as AmeriCorps*National, AmeriCorps*State, AmeriCorps*VISTA, AmeriCorps*NCCC, and Senior Corps. Within these branches of AmeriCorps, there are also several programs in the areas of healthcare, education, environment, and homeland security. All the AmeriCorps branches and their respective programs are under the Corporation for National and Community Service which funds the programs on a federal level.

The particular program I am in, AmeriCorps and the Medically Underserved in Utah is a program under the AmeriCorps*State branch. Because we are actually a state program, but also funded federally, we have a parent organization which is Association of Utah Community Health (AUCH). And on top of all of that, the Utah Commission on Volunteers is somehow thrown into the mix by administering and coordinating the Corporation for National and Community Service programs. This has all been very confusing to me as well.

So what do I do? Well, within AMUU, there are several different "host sites" - non-profit organzations and agencies which are devoted to promoting health care for underserved populations in Utah (mostly low-income and minority populations). Many of the AmeriCorps members are placed in low-income health clinics, local health departments, and Planned Parenthood. My host site is Midvale Family Health Clinic, a low income clinic which is a private, non-profit organization.

The mission of AmeriCorps and the Medically Underserved in Utah is to "reduce economic, geographic, cultural, and language barriers to health care and to expand primary services for the medically underserved populations of Utah." So how do I help to fulfill this mission at Midvale Family Health Clinic. Here is a short summary of what my responsibilities are as Medical Resource Coordinator:

1. Patient Assistance Programs - these programs are offered by most pharmaceutical companies where patients without health insurance and who qualify financially (usually 200% below poverty level) are eligible to receive free medications. I help patients apply, do all the follow-up, and refill medications. The majority of my time is spent doing this.
2. Health Access Project (HAP) - I do all the referrals for this program in Salt Lake County which provides specialty care such as surgeries and evaluations by specialty providers to low-income, uninsured patients.
   
3. Tuberculosis Scheduling and Coordination - Many of our patients are immigrants from South and Central America and have been exposed to TB. In most cases, the disease is not active but they still need to get medication (through the health department) in order to prevent it from becoming active. I coordinate the follow-up appointments after the initial PPD testing for Liver Function Tests, chest x-rays, and referrals to the health department for treatment.
4. Patient Advocate - When patients need other services such as financial assistance to help pay hospital bills, information about food stamps, where to apply for Medicaid or CHIP, or information about other programs for other services, I'm usually the one to help them out.
5. Dental Access Program - This is a brand new program that allows patients who are in need of emergency dental services to access dentists at a nominal price. It's pretty vague and needs a lot of work but it is a start. Right now, we're limited to patients in need of small fillings, extractions, or who have lost fillings - nothing major like crowns or root canals.
   

It sounds like a lot of work but it's not. In between the regular clinic hours I put in, I also am doing an independent service project (part of my AmeriCorps hours) with Salt Lake County Aging Services once a week on Fridays. At first, I was doing outreach and helping people on Medicare sign up for the new Part D Prescription Drug Plan. I learned a lot. But open enrollment is over so I am working with residents in a mobile home park who are being evicted after a developer bought the land. We're just trying to get people who already have so little some assistance to help them move their homes.

A lot of people ask me why I chose to do AmeriCorps. It's not exactly a lucrative position and a year is a long time. I get a very meager living stipend (I won't even say how much it is cause it is slightly embarrassing but it's less than minimum wage) and an education award after my year is complete for past school loans or future schooling (a more substantial amount but still not that much). I do get health and dental insurance but it's kinda crappy. And if I had kids, I could get free childcare but I don't and I hope when I do, I can stay at home so I won't have to put them in daycare.

So needless to say, it really wasn't for the money but more for the experience. When I graduated from BYU with a degree in exercise science, I was looking for jobs in Public Health or Nutrition but couldn't land any because my degree wasn't specifically in those fields. I thought I might want to go into graduate school for Public Health so I thought I should gain some experience in the field before I made such a major time and financial committment to graduate school.

However, after almost a year of this experience, I am still not sure if I want to go into Public Health. This past year has not been as fulfilling as I hoped it would be and it has been really frustrating to work with underserved populations (underserved is usually synonymous with low income and low education - not an easy population to work with). The money has also been an issue for me - not that I feel entitled to hundreds of thousands of dollars but living paycheck to paycheck sucks and it's hard for me to swallow that a lot of my "low-income/uneducated" patients make more than me when I have a college degree. Perhaps I'm being a little too proud and/or selfish but I just like to think that I am worth more than that. And maybe if the patients I served were a little more gracious, it might be more worth it and the money wouldn't matter but sadly, that is not so.

I have the option of going one more year in AmeriCorps but I am opting out. I am not even sure if I could go back in time, if I would choose to do it. Not to say that it was a bad experience, I was just hoping for a little more. Brandon is always asking me what my passion is - what do I love to do? I like a lot of things but it's hard to imagine doing any of those things as a full time job or even finding a job in those areas. I don't think that I am passionate about any one thing to exclusively choose to work in that one area. I think I am afraid that if I do something that I like as a job, it might be tainted and then I won't like to do it anymore.

Just for fun, here are some of the things that I have thought about doing and some of the rationalizations of why I'm not doing them:

• Pharmacist - my original plan (and major in college) because it was so safe, and very rational. I read one article my sophomore year in high school about how pharmacy would be huge in the upcoming years due to the aging baby boomer population and that pharmacists make bank without so much effort/school as being a doctor/dentist and I thought, this is it. Then I got a little disillusioned about the healthcare system in America and how people just want a pill to take away their problems and aren't willing to make sacrifices in the lifestyles. Kind of a loaded statement but it was also fueled by a relationship with a former pharmacist who got addicted to Oxycontin. And I also thought I might get really bored and end up not liking it. The ironic thing is is that I feel like a little pharmaceutical case worker at my current job.
• Massage Therapist - This appeals to me because I like to think that I could help people to relax and be in a really soothing atmosphere. There is also an appeal to be the favorite one at the get-together because you give out free mini massages. There is also a sort of freedom in my mind to this - flexible hours, flexible locations, maybe even in your own home. Downside to this is hairy, zitty backs. And then getting annoyed when your family/friends are always asking for massages. And I've also heard that tuition for these schools are ridiculously expensive. But I hear massage therapists make pretty good money. It's still an option but I'm not pursuing it very seriously or rather, at all at this point. It's just something to think about.
  
• Florist - For no other reason more than I think flowers are beautiful and who wouldn't want to surround themselves by gorgeous, non-threatening things. And people mainly buy them as expressions of love (or sometimes when they've really screwed up). But I have heard that it gets pretty crazy around Valentine's Day and Mother's Day. And I'm guessing there's not really big bucks in the flower industry - not that that should be a deciding factor if you really love it but it's definitely something to consider. It's more of a whim for me, maybe not all that realistic.
• Registered Dietician - I kinda wish I majored in dietetics at BYU instead of Exercise Science. I could potentially go to University of Utah to get my Master's in Dietetics but again, at this point, I'm not sure if I want to committ the time and money. But I do love food and nutrition and I am incredibly intrigued about the connection between our dietary lifestyles and how it affects our quality of life. But I also fear that I will have clients who aren't willing to make nutritional changes in their life and that thought really frustrates me. There is this recurring idea in my head that if I were to choose this path, that all the clients I would see would be overweight or obese and complaining about their lack of energy, health problems, etc but then wouldn't be willing to make the necessary changes. Probably slightly irrational and very cynical. I'm still juggling with this idea.
• Yoga Instructor - I could probably count how many times I have done yoga on my two hands but the times I have done it, I've really enjoyed it. This would require me to be doing a lot more yoga than I am doing now (not a possibility because lack of money) and somewhere down the line, to be certified. I think that this is an option that I will probably want to fulfill in the future - just not now. You could probably add kickboxing instructor as well. This seems like the optimal job to me because you could get paid to stay in shape and be relaxed. And it would be very do-able for a mother who needs a break - to teach a couple of classes a few times a week. And thanks to my degree in Exercise Science, it wouldn't require too much effort/time/money on my part to be ACS certified. Definitely still an option for me and makes me feel better that my degree is not completely worthless.

I've touched on a million other things like teacher (but only high school), PA, optometrist, chiropractor...I think I am held back a lot by my own ambition - I want to be something really cool, or something everyone is jealous of, or something that everyone expects. People often say, "You're so smart - you should be a [insert doctor/dentist/businesswoman/professional here]." That statement makes it really difficult for me because I feel like if I don't do something lucrative or hard, people will think that I am wasting my talents or abilities.

Maybe I am the only holding myself back for caring too much what other people think of me...or being concerned with money, status, or prestige. Work is a hard one. For more on how people struggle with their careers, check out these two SWAB threads: 1 and 2. I am just glad that I am not the only one. The big question is this: Can you really do something you really love and never feel like you've worked a day in your life or is work just a job to make money to enjoy for all those other things you like to do in the evenings and on weekends?

New Rules

So Morning Routine has proven to be a great struggle in my life - waking up that extra half hour earlier is just so easy not to do. That often means that I skip out on exercise in the morning. So far, the average amount we exercise throughout each week is about 2-3 times - not the best statistics and definitely not where I want to be. But this is really, really important to me - I want to make Morning Routine a permanent lifestyle. So I've come to the conclusion that new rules must be implemented.

I've found that achieving goals and maintaining discipline requires a lot of positive reinforcement. If you wanted to accomplish something, you need the right motivation. Exercise obviously has a lot of benefits - rock solid bod, more energy, more healthy, etc. But for some reason, sleeping in still finds a way to take precedence. So I need to find more motivation, more positive reinforcement.

This led me to think of the things I love - the things that I don't need but I really enjoy. Something that I can actually sacrifice if I need to. There is usually one television show that I look forward to watching every single week. I wouldn't say it is the highlight of my week, but I have it blocked out on my calendar and moan and groan if I have to miss it for any reason. So they're not like "must-see" TV for me but I really, really try not to schedule anything on these days. Right now, the TV show is So You Think You Can Dance. Last season, it was LOST.

I love these shows. I read every article I find about LOST. I love to read the SWAB thread about it. I frequent the website for So You Think You Can Dance to read the bios about the dancers. Dorky you might ask - yes, I admit that. But a very powerful motivator.

So the positive reinforcement goes like this - TV is a reward. I already try to avoid passive watching - I usually only watch shows that I know are on and try to avoid just turning on the TV and vegging out. But now, those shows, my favorite shows, can only be seen if I have successfully completed Morning Routine that day. These shows are only on once or twice a week so I can at least guarantee that I will get in a perfect Morning Routine that much. I can just imagine it, in the morning when I am so tempted to sleep in but I think, "But then I won't be able to see Benji and Donyelle dance tonight!" (Benji and Donyelle are my favorite couple from So You Think You Can Dance). That will get me up - knowing that I will miss out on something I really enjoy.

Silly - yes. But I think it will be a very powerful motivator. It's amazing what people will do with the right motivation.

This post was also an excuse to talk about my two favorite TV shows.