Leaving the Hospital - March 19, 2013

Our experience at LDS Hospital with Grey was quite different than my experience with Lucy at University Hospital. Maybe it was partly because this was my second baby so I knew what to expect and had a better idea of what I really wanted (as opposed to being told what I wanted) and just felt more comfortable in general.

Back when we had Lucy, we were initially really excited to be at University Hospital because it was the only hospital in Utah with the "baby friendly" accreditation. Being "baby friendly" means that the hospital staff practices certain guidelines set out by UNICEF and WHO to promote breastfeeding such as educating the mother about the benefits of breastfeeding, encouraging rooming-in, and discouraging pacifiers and any artificial nipples. This all sounds well and good and I had already decided that I wanted to breastfeed Lucy and do all those things in the guidelines. But what was ironic about my experience with Lucy was that even though I had an amazing experience with my labor and delivery with her and it was everything I wanted it to be, the post-partum period was extremely difficult and stressful and despite the huge emphasis on breastfeeding, I left the hospital not knowing how to breastfeed properly which led to huge stresses at home the following week due to Lucy's weight loss.

Now I will be the first to admit that breastfeeding is hard, especially the first time. But I had several lactation consultants visit me in the hospital to help me with Lucy and if you don't know what correctly breastfeeding feels like, you never know that you are doing it wrong. I was counting on them to make sure I was breastfeeding correctly and this may sound harsh but they completely failed in their jobs. So when Lucy was losing weight, I was devastated that I wouldn't be able to breastfeed her and I was also hesitant to hire a lactation consultant to come to my home because I figured if the hospital lactation consultants couldn't get me to breastfeed correctly, what would be the difference between someone who came to my home (and that I was obviously an incompetent mother for not figuring out how to breastfeed - how cruel we can be to ourselves)? Fortunately, the private lactation consultant who came to my home to help with Lucy was amazing and got me breastfeeding correctly in minutes and it was relatively a breeze from there.

With Grey, there was just a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders when he immediately latched on and started nursing the first time. Even though my labor and delivery with him was not the norm, I felt calm about it all and pretty peaceful once we arrived at the hospital (and even at home before we got to the hospital despite the unusual circumstances). I was a little bit concerned about all the antibiotics that they were pumping into him and all the heel pokes he got to test his blood sugar. But the nursing staff didn't make a big deal about it and that made me feel calm. And therein may lie the difference - the nursing staff at LDS was so laid back yet competent. At University, there was always this constant stress that despite a perfectly healthy delivery, some trauma was on the verge of happening to Lucy. The staff at University was constantly coming in and out and I felt like there were a million people in my room all the time and we never had any peace. I understand that University is a teaching hospital but at LDS, the nursing staff came in so much less frequently so I actually had more time to bond with Grey. And while I wanted to room-in with Lucy and Brandon accompanied her to every single test and visit outside of our room, I let the LDS nurses take Grey to the nursery during the night so I could sleep and I'm so glad that I was able to get some good quality sleep those first two nights and I didn't feel judged for it all. Something about the nursing staff at the U felt so militant about what is "best" for the baby.

I daresay, there are these standards for what is "best" for a baby. You're supposed to have an unmedicated vaginal birth, breastfeed exclusively, room-in with your baby, not introduce a bottle or pacifier until breastfeeding has been firmly established (whatever that means), and on and on. But when you put so much pressure to do all these things, and your own (sometimes unrealistic) expectations it can be devastating when things don't go as planned and you end up needing an epidural or a c-section or have to formula feed. There is already so much judgement going around (which I will admit, I am just as guilty of) but it is so important to remember that each mother and father are going to do what works best for them and their baby and no one should be judging them for it. And that is what was nice about the nursing staff at LDS, I felt like they were supportive and respectful of our decisions and didn't make a big deal about it when Brandon was too exhausted to accompany Grey to his hearing test or while getting his antibiotics administered or that I didn't want to room-in with him at night so I could get better quality sleep. My sister's sister-in-law, Kim described it as saying that they were "mommy friendly" which makes so much more sense because everyone knows that if mom is not happy, then no one is happy. And thank heavens they gave him a pacifier right away because Lucy never took a pacifier and it has been such a great tool to use for Grey to help him get to self soothe get to sleep. And I felt comfortable about introducing a bottle to Grey after a few days which he took without a problem - it gives me so much more freedom that I can pump and Brandon can feed him or we can get a babysitter and go out on a date night. Raising a child is stressful and challenging enough as it is, you don't need to add judgment or rigid expectations to that burden. 

Anyway, off my rant and back to my experience. At University, we wanted to leave the hospital after just one day because we were sick and tired of constantly being bothered by the staff. At LDS, we stayed the full two days, mostly because it was required for Grey to get his full round of antibiotics and to make sure his weight loss wasn't too drastic or his jaundice didn't need more attention. But I didn't mind having to stay the full two days because the nursing staff was so incredibly helpful and took such good care of both of us and only bothered us as much as they absolutely had to. And I will admit, this is kind of dumb, but the food at LDS is far superior to the food at University. I had gone to a baby shower just a couple of weeks before I was due and talked to another mother about her experience at LDS and she told me that the food there was uhhhh-mazing. I tried to temper my expectations about the food because I didn't want to be disappointed and while it wasn't amazing, it was pretty good for hospital food. And it was incredibly convenient because there was a menu with a darn decent selection of food that you could order from on your own timetable (although there were hours for breakfast, lunch, and dinner) and you could also order snacks. And although spouses had to pay for their own food, you could order both at the same time from the same menu so that Brandon didn't have to leave the room to get his food. At University, I was just delivered a cafeteria-style meal and I don't think I had many choices of what to have (or any choice at all?) and Brandon had to leave to get his own food. A small thing but still nice to have attention paid to details like that.

Brandon didn't stay with me the entire time at LDS because he had to go home and take care of Lucy. But I didn't mind at all and actually liked having some time to myself and also time with just with me and Grey. And I was also glad that Brandon was able to get two really good nights of sleep before we came home. And while we had lots of adult visitors, the hospital does not allow children visitors who are not siblings to the maternity floor which I actually really liked so you didn't have to worry about friends or family bringing a million kids with them (because hey, this is Utah).

We left a note on the marker board for the nursing staff because we were so impressed by them. Lucy loved writing her own name and drawing little pictures. I wish we could have done something a little more thoughtful for them to show our thanks but you know, we were a little busy adjusting to life with a new baby and I didn't really think about it in advance.

All of the stuff we accumulated over the two days we were there. Every time Brandon went home and came back, I had a list of things I wanted him to bring back. Thank goodness we live relatively close to the hospital because I didn't to the best job packing my hospital bag - I would have been able to survive but it was nice to get a few extra things that I forgot about. Brandon and Lucy also chose some beautiful flowers for me as well. I also love those giant water mugs the hospital gives you - my old one from University Hospital was getting a little worn after four years of (ab)use.

All bundled up! I had washed the car seat just the day before Grey was born and I didn't even put it all back together again until the morning that we left. We received a cute little St. Patrick's Day blanket from the nursing staff which came in handy because I had no boy blankets.

One last look at our little room, my home away from home for two days. And although it was a lovely stay, it was nice to get back home. I just wish I could have taken a nurse with me to help out with the baby!