Grandpa Dayton's Birthday - February 17, 2013

Although Brandon's father has lived in Buffalo since we were married, we are lucky enough to be able to see him quite frequently since he always seems to be flying out to Utah for one reason or another. I can't remember why he flew out during this particular weekend (for a date, maybe?) but it happened to be the same weekend of his birthday so the family that is here in Utah got together for a birthday dinner.

We gathered together at Damian's house and he took care of dinner. I can't remember exactly what we had to eat (Aunt Carol's fried chicken?) but any dinner that I don't have to make is awesome for me. Lucy was in heaven - as the only grandchild in Utah, she received lots of attention from both her uncles and her grandpa. I love these two pictures below - I know that they are almost identical but Lucy looks so relaxed and at ease. I was about to take Lucy away from her grandpa because I thought that he might want to concentrate on his phone call but he waved me away and managed to have his conversation without any interruption from Lucy at all (wish I could get away with that). I don't even think that she was tired, just so comfortable snuggling with her grandfather. He was doing this little finger clicking by her ears that is supposedly calming for babies. It certainly seemed to work.

Since Damian took care of making dinner, I took care of making the Dayton family's traditional birthday confection - chocolate roll. I've made this dessert several times before and it is simple but tedious to make. The Dayton family is fiercely protective about this dessert and not altering it. It is of utmost importance that the whipped cream inside not be sweetened because the chocolate sauce that tops it is extremely sweet. It's all about the juxtaposition of the plain cream (which is chilled) and the super sweet chocolate sauce (that is also hot). So no substituting cream cheese or sour cream or jelly or anything like that. Luckily, I'm pretty anal about following recipes exactly.

Over the years, I have tried to perfect the cake part because it is supposed to be very light and spongy and mine too often have turned out very heavy and flat (which still tastes okay but just not as good). To get it that way, you need to sift all the dry ingredients several times and then separate the whites from the yolks of the eggs and beat them both separately (like, forever!). It takes a long time and you need a good mixer (which I don't have - my old hand mixer was awful and then it finally broke). Fortunately, my neighbor across the street let me borrow her hand mixer and it was the easiest time I ever had making Dayton chocolate roll. My favorite part about making chocolate roll is rolling up the cake part (because that means I am almost done). But also, I have this towel from Williams-Sonoma that imprints this pretty pattern on the cake part when I roll it up. I'm interested in getting some other kitchen towels that have patterns on them to see what else will imprint on it.

What is a birthday chocolate roll without the candles? Lucy loves birthday candles so much...

She was lucky enough that her grandpa let her help him blow out the candles.

Happy Birthday Grandpa Dayton! We were so glad that we got to celebrate with you and I had another opportunity to perfect my chocolate roll!!

Bathroom Mini-Makeover - February 5 - March 15, 2013

One of the reasons I have no idea why I decided to throw a relatively large neighborhood Valentine's party for Lucy was because of this:

This is my bathroom. It wasn't always this bad. When we started renovating the house in the fall of 2011 and finished up in the beginning of 2012, we didn't really plan to touch the bathroom or kitchen because we figured that those would be huge, expensive projects that we just couldn't afford at that time and also didn't quite know what we wanted to do yet. But when we decided to rip out the built-in shelves in the hallway to make a large double door hallway closet, I found that there was no wall between the built-in shelves in the hallway and the built-in closet in the bathroom so I ripped the built-in closet in the bathroom out and had our contractor frame a wall between the bathroom and the hallway closet. But since the bathroom closet went from floor to ceiling, there was no tile under it so the sub-floor was exposed as you can see a little bit in the bottom left of the picture below:

We kinda covered it up with a cheap laundry hamper but dirty laundry is not really doing the bathroom many favors either. Oh, but there is our lovely new toilet...with lots of junk on top of it. Once I tore out the built-in bathroom closet, we lost loads of valuable storage space that was already quite limited in our home. All we had was a tiny medicine cabinet. We didn't even have a toilet paper holder or a towel ring. And that is where this whole mini-makeover started...we needed a towel ring. If you can see in the two pictures below, we hung our hand towel on the shower rod and I think we had been doing that for years since we moved in because the towel rod that was originally in the bathroom was nasty and falling out of the wall so we just ripped it out. But I never bothered to get a new one because I wanted to wait until we completely renovated the bathroom.

However, renovations cost a lot of money (just in case you didn't know that) and I had no idea when we would be able to do it. And I had a new incentive for getting a towel ring to hold our towel - Lucy. Since she was three, going on four and I had a baby on the way that would inevitably take up a lot of time, I wanted her to go to bathroom completely independently but she always needed to call me to get the towel for her so she could dry her hands. And it was probably annoying for her little friends who came to visit too who couldn't reach. So I ordered a whole bathroom hardware set online that included a towel ring, towel hook, towel rod, and toilet paper holder (Lucy also had a hard time reaching behind her to get the toilet paper which I am sure a lot of people did). But once I received my nice, new towel ring in oil-rubbed bronze finish, I didn't want to hang it up on the nasty walls. So I decided that I should paint the bathroom first because it would do wonders for it. But before I could paint the bathroom walls, I really needed to steam off all the nasty wallpaper (which I had actually started picking off when I was doing the renovations the year because I'm a picker and I kinda love picking but then I stopped because there were higher priority things I needed to do). So here are my bathroom walls and ceilings, with all the wallpaper completely steamed off (cause yeah, the previous owners wallpapered the ceiling!!!).

But then once I finished steaming the wallpaper off, I noticed that the walls, just like the rest of the walls in my house, were very nasty and one wall had this gross texture on it. So I decided to hire my texture guy to come and texture the walls and the ceilings. But since he was coming to do the bathroom, I figured that he should texture the walls and ceilings of my kitchen as well (but that is another post). Then, I finally bought some primer and paint and got that done and THEN Brandon finally installed the towel ring, the towel rack, and the toilet paper holder.

So here is the AFTER:

In addition to all the bathroom hardware, we got a new, larger medicine cabinet from IKEA and a new curtain rod (our old curtain rod that the previous owner had left was painted white and taped in the middle to hold it together - super classy!). We still need to get a new light and I also want to get a new freestanding shelf or closet for where our old built-in closet used to be but those are easy additions for later - we're kinda picky with our lighting.

We also had our contractor come in and install some base molding for us but unfortunately, I gave him the wrong size (I had a bunch left over in my garage from our original renovation). It is 1/4 inch too thick and after it was installed, I recognized that it just didn't look right and realized that I gave him the material that we actually used for our window sills instead of the base molding. So we still need to have him come back, remove it, and put in the correct base molding.

It is a little plain but a vast improvement over what we had before. I'm not crazy about our tile (which you can't really tell from the pictures how poorly it was installed). but I think that it is newer and the vanity is also newer (although also poorly installed but Brandon had fixed it a long time ago). I would love to get a new tub and move the toilet next to the tub and get a larger sink and vanity moved to the door side but that will have to wait until a full renovation. I kinda hate temporary fixes but the bathroom wasn't in terrible shape but it was bad enough that I needed to do something about it. I guess my nesting instincts were really strong but I just channeled it into a bathroom and kitchen make-over instead of actually getting ready for the baby. Oh yeah, and I did this all less than a month before my baby was due. I actually meant to start at the end of January or beginning of February but because of Valentine's Day, didn't start until February 20th and finished right at the wire - on March 15th, two days before my baby was due.

When I was telling Brandon my plan, I told him that it would just cost a couple hundred bucks for the bathroom and the kitchen. We always underestimate these things, don't we? Here is my financial break-down:

Supplies (Paint brushes, rollers, tape, joint compound, caulk): $72.13
Paint & Primer: $57.66
Texture: $350
Daycare for Lucy: $176 (a couple of friends also took Lucy for free on play-dates with their children so that saved me some money :)
Medicine Cabinet: $70

The supplies, paint & primer, texture and the daycare was also for the kitchen as well so now that I look at the numbers, that's actually not that bad. But my kitchen mini-make-over really added up. That is next.

Valentine's Day - February 14, 2013

Lucy had preschool on Valentine's Day so I made sure that she had some valentines to bring to school and share with her classmates. Last year, she happened to be at daycare on Valentine's Day and she came home with all these valentines and I felt so bad that I didn't even think to give her any to share. So I was prepared this year. My sister, Elaine, made these valentines a couple of years ago and I thought they were so cute that I copied the idea. They are origami flowers with honey sticks for the stem and paper leaves to write a little message. Elaine had a cute stamp to use but we just hand wrote the message, "Honey, Bee Mine!" There are so many darling valentine ideas on Pinterest but I will save those for another year (and involve Lucy some more instead of just having her sign her name).

I didn't think that it would take so long to make all the origami flowers but it did. And I thought it would be a fairly inexpensive craft but those honey sticks were around $0.35 each so it actually added up pretty quickly and probably ended up being more expensive than store-bought valentines. Thankfully, I had lots of origami paper hanging around in some craft box. Lucy's preschool class only has about a dozen kids so I think that I made about 15 or 18 to be safe. I just hope it didn't look like I was trying too hard - but it was something that was unique and reflected our Japanese heritage and was also a less processed treat so I hope everyone enjoyed them. I just got an old Easter basket and put some styrofoam inside and stuck all those honey stick flowers in. My older sister is so clever! Even though Lucy couldn't help out a ton in making these, she was so excited to bring them to preschool to share (although she insisted on keeping a couple pink flowers for herself).

And of course, she had to wear all pink clothes to preschool. What a girly girl I have.

If Lucy had her way, she would play with Olive and Marlo every day. So even though I had just thrown a neighborhood Valentine's party the previous day, we had a separate cousins' Valentine's Day party on the actual holiday after preschool. So it was small with just the three girls but lovely in the way that small gatherings are. Kim graciously hosted at her house and put together some yummy food and treats. I brought leftovers from the neighborhood party and extra cookies and frosting for decorating and Emily brought a craft to do although the girls got in plenty of playtime as well.  

Kim did such a nice job putting together this cute little table for the girls.

I just wished that the girls actually ate more but they were so busy playing that unfortunately, some of the food went to waste but I guess that is to be expected. With so many sweets to eat throughout the day, why would anyone want regular food? Thank goodness the indulgence only happens once a year. Although I guess there is also Easter, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas with sweet indulgences as well. I suppose as the parent, it is up to me to figure out how to strike the balance.

Happy Valentine's Day! Hope your day was sweet and lovely.

Lucy's Valentine's Party - Feburary 13, 2013

Every once in a while, I get an idea in my head that I can't let go of. Often times, it is entirely unnecessary or silly but I still have to follow through with it. Well, some time in January, I got the idea to have a Valentine's Day party for Lucy with all the neighborhood kids. I have no idea what compelled me to do this. Maybe I was trying to make things extra special for Lucy before the debut of her baby brother that would inevitably cut into the attention I could give her. Or maybe it is because I am trying to create social opportunities for Lucy so she can have lots of friends with the kids that are closest in proximity to her. Or maybe it was because I was just trying to create good memories for her. Or maybe I was inspired by Pinterest. Or some combination of all of the above. But the thing is that I am not really a very crafty person and I also can get unusually stressed out, especially being pregnant and having so many other projects I wanted to work on (more on those projects in a later post). So I just tried to set the bar low...really low and not compete with these amazing Pinterest people.

One problem with hosting a neighborhood party is that I felt like I needed to invited everyone but in my house, space is very limited. I ended up buying this awesome, folding kids picnic table from the Lifetime store that just happens to be down the street from me (it seriously is awesome and I got it for cheaper than on-line since it was from the outlet store). I had my eye on it for a while and knew from experience how awesome it was because Vince and Peg also have one. I also borrowed their little picnic table as well so we would have plenty of seating for the little ones. I also offered parents to drop their kids off (but gave them the option to stay as well) so that I wouldn't have to worry about seating (and feeding) the parents.

Because of the timing of preschool and naps, the best time for Lucy's little party was right at lunch time so I offered to make lunch for all the kids. But I kept it simple - heart shaped PB&J sandwiches, and little cups of goldfish crackers, veggies, apples, fruit leather, and juice boxes with heart name tags so the kids wouldn't get them all mixed up. I originally wanted to try all these pinterest desserts and foods but it was just too much work and I didn't want the party to turn into a super stressful experience. I also didn't just want to serve junk food so I tried really hard to make the snacks healthier (and another friend bought strawberries which was nice). But there were definitely treats. We had leftover store-bought cupcakes from a get-together with Vince and Peg. And I made heart-shaped Rice Krispy treats (I LOVE Rice Krispy treats!)

For an activity, we decorated cookies. And my friend Cassie was so awesome to bring everything for it. She made these awesome sugar cookies and frosting and also bought all the candy decorations and even stopped by the store to pick up a tablecloth for me on the way to my house. She also came early to help me set up and do last minute food prep like making all the PB&J sandwiches and cutting everything out into hearts. Seriously made everything so much less stressful.

We had seven kids including Lucy and four parents including myself and although it was a little cozy, it was great. And it was nice because the parents got a chance to chat and get to know each other better too.

Decorating the cookies was a huge hit. I'm just so glad that I wasn't the one in charge of baking all those cookies and getting all the decorations.

And I think that all the kids really had fun. Events like this definitely take some planning and work but I was glad that I could follow-through on my promise to Lucy. We had talked about it and once it was mentioned, she was really looking forward to it.

I'm not sure if we will make a tradition of this and do it every year or not. Maybe if we do do it again, I will just ask each parent to make a contribution or be in charge of some craft of something. And hopefully, as the kids get older, it will be even more fun.

Date Night in Provo - February 9, 2013

Brandon and I have always put a lot of emphasis on date nights - with just one child who is potty trained and fairly easy overall, it is easy to find a babysitter and not terribly expensive. We really tried to get out on a date about once a week (sometimes twice a week if we were feeling especially indulgent or just had a lot of plans). And we obviously knew dates would be a little more challenging with a newborn so we were trying to enjoy them as much as possible before he came.

But our dates usually consisted of either going out to eat or going to a movie or the occasional get-together with friends. However, every once in a while, we will go to a concert. This particular show we were going to was actually for a band that Brandon's co-worker (Sebastien Gallego) at Avalanche was part of called Searching for Celia. The show was down in Provo which is not my favorite place to go but worth it to support a friend and listen to some fun, new music.

Brandon is kinda obsessed with public transportation and while I think that it is fun to ride, it's not always very convenient. So we weren't planning on taking the recently opened Frontrunner train down to Provo but after passing over the freeway and seeing the traffic from the terrible weather, we decided to be spontaneous and take the train. It did cut into our dinner plans in Salt Lake City since we were at the mercy of the train schedule but we figured we could grab some food to eat before the show down in Provo.

It ended up being quite the adventure once we arrived in Provo. We had to walk almost a mile to get to the venue. I'm not a total wuss and wouldn't usually complain about walking a mile but the only problem was that it was a blizzard outside! And I was 9 months pregnant! Not to mention that because I initially thought we would be driving down to Provo, I wasn't dressed as warm as I would have been if I had known beforehand that we would be taking the train and have to walk. We were also both starving but knew there were lots of restaurants on Center Street in Provo although it had been a while since we had eaten at any of them. We passed by a Japanese restaurant that I knew was good (Osaka) because we had eaten there before but wanted to try something new so ended up at Station 22 Cafe. I know it can be a crap shoot when trying something new but sometimes, it really pays off. This time though, it didn't.

The restaurant had so much potential! It had this cute decor and the servers were dressed all old-fashioned and vintage-y. And from the menu, it looked like they supported local produce and tried to put a new spin on classic recipes. But boy, was it disappointing. Our server was terrible! Not that she was rude or anything, but she was just super flaky. We were sitting for a long time before she even came to take our order and she readily admitted that she had forgotten about us. Really? There were like, two other tables being served. And though I appreciated her honesty, it just made her seem like a really bad server.

All the menu items that looked good were out so our selection was really limited (there were literally like, five things that weren't available on the menu and they looked like the best items on there). And then our actual food was just not very good. I ended up with the ratatouille and it was actually okay. But the tomato basil soup that came with it (and I was so looking forward to because I love tomato basil soup and we had just come in from some crazy snow) was disgusting. I don't know how you mess that up but it was too spicy and not very flavorful at all. Brandon's entire meal was entirely bad - he got a pot roast and the vegetables were all cooked unevenly - some potatoes were still hard and the onions were barely cooked at all - and mostly, it tasted salty. I can't remember what else he got but it obviously wasn't very memorable. We decided to skip out on dessert.

Our server never even came back to check up on us and see how our food was. The one thing that was really unique about this restaurant was the huge selection of craft sodas. But when Brandon ordered one, the server wasn't sure if they were out or not which was fine because it is not her fault if the restaurant runs out of something. But she said that she would check to see if it was available and if it wasn't, come back to let him know so that he could order something else. But she never came back until she came to bring us the check and when we asked her about the soda, she was just like, "Oh, I totally forgot to even check on that for you!" She could have at least lied at that point and just told us that it was out but that she forgot to come back and tell us but to admit that she didn't even bother checking - what an idiot! You would think that this restaurant could find some more competent servers in a college town like Provo where BYU is located.  Okay - so this might be a bit of a venting post - but seriously, I waitressed at Macaroni Grill and I know it can be challenging when things are busy but it's not exactly rocket science here. Anyway, she didn't get a very good tip and I felt completely justified about it (we probably left 15% instead of our usual 20% which considering how cheap I have heard Provo is, was probably actually a good tip for her).

So after being completely underwhelmed by our dining experience, we trudged back out into the snow to try to find the concert venue. Unfortunately, Brandon's iPhone ran out of batteries so we weren't exactly sure where it was. After walking in what we thought was the direction, I needed to pee very badly and I was freezing and it wasn't where we thought it was so I suggested we go into a nearby Smith's grocery store so I could use the bathroom and Brandon could ask someone for directions or to borrow their phone or something. As I was in the bathroom doing my business, the epiphany hit me that the address of the venue would be on the tickets which were in my purse! Duh!! And here I was judging out waitress for being so dumb. Ended up, the place we were looking for was one street over and actually right around the corner from the restaurant we were just eating at but we did a big circle around it. So there was our adventure just getting to the place.

Searching for Celia plays entirely instrumental music and the highlight of it is the strings duo made up of a violinist and cellist. It was a fun show and we were glad to be supporting Sebastien. City Weekly wrote a little article about them HERE. I got just a couple of pictures from the show but the pictures can never really do justice in displaying the fun energy of the place (it was quite packed).

But our date night adventure didn't end after the show! The show started much later than we thought it would and the train only left hourly so we were on a time limit on getting back. I had told my babysitter that we would be back sometime after 11 pm but because the show started late and we had to take the train (which is a little slower than driving), we got home much later. We also had to really hustle back to the train station to catch the last train - I think I was having contractions from hurrying so much! Fortunately, the sitter was very accommodating in staying later but it made for a very expensive date with the cost of the babysitter, the cost of show, the cost of the dinner, and the cost of the train tickets. And this all would have made me very grumpy in another life but as I have gotten older, I am learning it is just not worth stressing about these things and to just try to go with the flow and enjoy the ride...or the music...or the new experience at a crappy restaurant...or the snowy walk.

Thanksgiving Point Dinosaur Museum - February 8, 2013

Since we usually drive to Emily's house about once a week, we end up passing the Thanksgiving Point dinosaur museum quite frequently on the freeway. It wasn't long before Lucy was bugging me about going. Fortunately for me, Emily and Kim planned a time to go AND there was a Groupon on-line where I could get discount tickets. How often does that actually work out?

In addition to Emily and Kim, Peg, Krista, and Heidi joined the fun as well. It's always nice to have the adults outnumber the kids because you can never have too much help. And Heidi, Krista, and Peg are pros with the girls. 

Lucy giving the dinosaur tale some loving. There was less looking at fossils and more playing with the interactive exhibits. But hey, it's about exposure to new and interesting things, right?

Heidi took a turn being the dinosaur while the rest of us rested and watched.

Baby Rowe got plenty of attention.

And these girls has plenty of fun playing in the sand and digging for dinosaur bones.

Thank goodness for other stay-at-home moms, especially when it is your own family who lives relatively close for get-togethers and play dates. Life is so much better when you have friends and family to join you.

Olive's 3rd Birthday Party - January 26, 2013

It's always nice to have something to look forward to, especially when that something is your cousin's birthday! Lucy pays much more attention to the calendar these days, wanting to know what fun things come after Christmas. She had been anticipating this event since the holidays even if she wasn't the one receiving any presents. But sometimes, it is just as fun to give a gift (and get a goody bag and eat treats) than to receive.

All the kids had the opportunity to do some coloring on Olive's tablecloth that Auntie Heidi gave her for Christmas. It was the perfect thing to keep them busy until everyone else showed up. And the theme of the party was "Once Upon a Time" so all the girls wore princess dresses. I totally forgot to get Lucy dressed up which was the cause of quite a few tears but Olive graciously allowed Lucy to borrow one of her many princess dresses.

Emily kept it simple with cupcakes and I even think that she delegated the frosting and decorating to Jared.

The all important snack table - bottle water, fruit snacks, Jello jigglers, strawberries, and chocolate covered raisins. I think that I ate more of these snacks than all the kids combined. But hey, I was a pregnant lady!

Super cute decorations from Pinterest. Lucy got to take one of these home and it is still hanging above her bed.

The gift table and balloons. Lucy let Olive borrow her castle to add to the decor as well. So glad these girls get the opportunity to share with each other.

The little craft was decorating foam crowns with stickers. I think that Emily and I both learned our lessons about doing too much for birthday parties in 2012 and opted to keep things much simpler with a much smaller guest list.

Lucy chose pink, of course! She was just trying match her dress. Olive went with purple to match her dress - what a burgeoning fashion sense these girls already have.

Singing Happy Birthday. I love the way Olive is wearing her crown and how she is flanked by her two cousins. I'm so glad these girls can be such good friends.

Gift time! I think that presents are much more manageable the less guests there are. I thought long and hard about what present Lucy should give Olive because as a mother to young child, although I love seeing the excitement of new gifts, I'm not a big fan of the clutter and figuring out where to put it all. So I opted for a Disney princess coloring book and some art supplies - something that would eventually be used up so it wouldn't take up as much space. And really, gifts for children are getting so extravagant these days so simple always seems better to me. Also, I'm a total cheapskate!

Last activity of the party - COLORING princesses! It was the perfect, low-key way to end the party while we waited for the parents to pick up their kids.

Lucy also had the opportunity to share her pink canopy that Baba gave her with Olive to help with the decor. It was the perfect backdrop to get some cousin pictures

Happy Birthday, Olive!

For Emily's account that she posted months ago, click HERE.

Lucy's Dance Class - January 16, 2013

With the start of the New Year came some new activities for Lucy. I've been really excited to start Lucy in dance class because she loves to dance so much and is always prancing around the house. She has also been asking to take dance for a while and was equally excited to start. Since I have no dance experience myself (besides lip synch concerts in high school and one beginner's jazz class during college), I wasn't really sure where to start. Fortunately, my mother-in-law gave me a great recommendation before she passed away on where to send Lucy for dance once she was old enough and I always remembered it.

So once Lucy turned 3 1/2 years old (the minimum age to start classes), I enrolled her in the Virginia Tanner Creative Dance Program at University of Utah for the next semester. My mother-in-law taught creative dance to young girls and I think that she modeled her teaching on this program. The idea is that children need a good foundation in creative dance before they can really get much out of the stricter practice of ballet or tap or jazz or whatever. It's all about fostering a love a movement and mostly having fun.

Sounds good to me! Tanner dance classes were more expensive than some other dance classes offered in the community but I liked that it was a reputable studio. I also found out later that although the classes were more expensive, I wouldn't have to worry about expensive dance shoes or costumes because all dancing was done barefoot, the girls just had to wear a leotard and footless tights to class, and they didn't participate in a recital until they were in kindergarten or first grade. I also really appreciated that parents weren't allowed in the class with the exception for the first and last dance class of the semester.  

Here is Lucy in her very first dance class. I was a pretty proud mama to see how well she listened although I tried not to compare her to the other girls in the class.

And what great posture she has! She certainly didn't inherit that from me. Maybe it is from her Baba.

And fortunately, I didn't even have to spend any money on leotards because Lucy received lots of hand-me-downs from her cousin (Thanks, Maya!). We just needed to invest in some footless tights for her. I think that Lucy was actually a little disappointed that she couldn't wear ballet shoes to class but considering how often she is barefoot, she was probably more in her element.

Pretending to be monkeys hanging from the trees

I don't know how these teachers have the patience to work with 3 1/2 - 4 1/2 year old little girls with such short attention spans but Miss Jasmine manages to do it. There is a live pianist who just improvises music according to whatever the theme is. Miss Jasmine reads from a children's book throughout the class and the girls pretend that they are snowflakes or shooting stars or whatever is in the book and have little props they use. It was great to see them working not just on their movement but on listening skills and taking turns.

Here is looking forward to a great new activity to continue throughout the years. I think she would have made her Grandma Susan proud.